Little Johnny has a birthday party.

Everybody makes a big fuss about him. Everybody gives him presents. His parents book a clown. It is his best day ever.

Little Suzy has a birthday party.

All the same things happen to her, and this perturbs little Johnny quite a bit. It’s not fair! Where is the fuss that should be paid to him? Where are the presents that should be given to him? He throws a tantrum, upends the cake, throws Suzy’s presents in the pool.

Little Suzy is taking over the concept of birthday parties!

Little Johnny loved when the privilege was his. He thinks he loses when the privilege is hers. The premise that if he didn’t start banging his fist on the floor when Suzy gets the same thing, he would enjoy *two* days and not be so angry all the time, is lost on him. He wants the presents on both days.

To Johnny’s reasoning, if Suzie gets a toy, that is one less toy for him.

Ipso facto: Suzy is taking his toy.

Most of us outgrow this kind of reasoning, as far as birthday parties are concerned, by the time we hit age 7.

Many of us never do outgrow it.

Some of us get angrier.

“Fine,” Suzy says, eventually, when she’s more than sick of Johnny throwing her gifts in the pool every year. “If you get so mad when I get a birthday party, then to hell with you; I won’t invite you.”

Johnny pounds his fist on the floor again. No, no, no, NO! She’s being unfair! She’s the hater, not him! She needs to apologize!

And then learned adults pontificate that Johnny misbehaves because Johnny needs to be understood; we need to see where Johnny is coming from. We need to spend more time being sympathetic to kids like

Johnny, kids who feel threatened whenever gifts are accrued to anybody else.

That, we’re told, will stop Johnny from throwing rocks at her, drawing insulting pictures of her, recruiting kids of like mind to join the gang that hates Suzy and presents a physical threat to her.

That, we’re told, will keep Johnny from acting up.

You are considered insensitive if you say you understand Johnny just fine.

You understand that Johnny’s a goddamned miserable brat.

Tags: Assholes, Life Wisdom, Politics, Race | Category Commentary, Life Wisdom, Politics, Sneaky Metaphors