Adam-Troy Castro

Writer of Science Fiction, Fantasy, Horror, and Stories About Yams.

 

This Is Where You’ve Seen Donald Trump Before: In Film Noir

Posted on July 20th, 2016 by Adam-Troy Castro

You know what Donald Trump really is?

 

Film him in black and white, light the room through the stripes of aluminum blinds, and give the whole thing a jazz score, and you’ll finally recognize him as a film noir villain, the sleazy rich guy encountered in the course of an investigation who sics his thugs on the private eye to hide the fact that he’s behind the whole conspiracy.

 

The guy who says, “I have expensive tastes,” who gets infuriated when the protagonist takes apart his pretensions in a sentence. Cast Humphrey Bogart as the hero, and it would only be a matter of time before Melania would be saying, “You don’t know who you’re dealing with. He’s a monster.”

 

Seriously, he’s the guy from the Robert Altman version of THE LONG GOODBYE who ruins his own vapid girlfriend’s looks by smashing her a glass bottle against her face, just so he can threaten the detective with a sneered, “And I can do that to someone I *like*.”

 

The movie would be called,

 

THE DOUCHEBAG ONLY RINGS TWICE. I MEAN, IT’S A REALLY FABULOUS DOORBELL. I HAVE THE BEST DOORBELL. FANTASTIC!

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