From an earlier draft of the first Harry Potter novel:
Harry, Ron, and Hermione are among the first-year students being shown around the grounds of Hogwart’s, seeing the various magical places, learning the various magical rules.
Then they turn a corner inside the castle, and encounter a student who, engrossed in a book while reading, bumps into Harry and almost knocks him over.
The student steadies Harry and yells at the top of his lungs, at point blank range. “I’M SORRY!” he screams, in a spray of spittle. “ARE YOU OKAY?”
Wincing, Harry says, “It’s all right.”
“IT’S MY FAULT FOR NOT LOOKING WHERE I’M GOING! SORRY, MATE!”
“It’s okay,” says Harry. “Really.”
Another student comes walking down the same corridor and, in a voice meant to project, calls out to the first: “HEY, RUPERT! WHAT’S UP! AREN’T YOU GOING TO PROFESSOR SNIGGLEWORT’S CLASS?”
“YEAH!” the first one calls back, in a voice that could blow out the rafters. “I JUST BUMPED INTO THIS FIRST-YEAR! I’LL BE RIGHT WITH YOU!”
“OKAY!” Friendly enough, but still projecting at a hundred and seventy decibels, the second student turns to the aghast group of first-years and cries, “HELLO ALL! ENJOY YOUR YEARS AT HOGWART’S! COME ON, RUPERT! YOU DON’T WANT TO BE LATE!”
“CATCHING UP! SEE YOU, EVERYBODY! SORRY I DIDN’T LOOK WHERE I WAS GOING!”
They join up and proceed up the corridor, their jet-engine voices ensuring that their conversation remains audible even after they’re just dots at the end of the corridor.
The proctor proceeds with his tour, and not long after that they pass a wing which sounds like a stadium after the home team has just scored. Pandemonium, everybody emoting at volumes designated to render everybody else in sight deaf, though the doors are open and the astonished tour group can see that the students making these noises are doing so while sitting in an open library, studying.
“HEY! JOHNNY! DO YOU HAVE THE NOTES FROM POTION CLASS?”
“SURE, PHIL! HERE THEY ARE! CAN I BORROW YOUR PENCIL?”
“ABSOLUTELY!” And so on.
As the tour group moves on and leaves the noise behind them, Harry ventures a timid, “Um, what was that all about?”
“Oh,” the tour guide replies. “That’s Hogwarts’s fifth house. Hollerin.”
Comment By: Susan Shwartz
December 20th, 2015 at 11:18 am
WHAP
Comment By: Rajnar Vajra
December 20th, 2015 at 11:18 am
Shout out to a truly appalling joke.
Comment By: George Peterson
December 20th, 2015 at 12:18 pm
Tell Judi Castro I said to smack you…
Comment By: Zyada K
December 20th, 2015 at 12:18 pm
*groan*
Comment By: Elric Fraumeni
December 20th, 2015 at 1:18 pm
“Rimshot”
Comment By: Wyman Cooke
December 20th, 2015 at 3:19 pm
Too much sulfur.
Comment By: Mark Horvath
December 20th, 2015 at 5:18 pm
oof!
Comment By: David Gerrold
December 20th, 2015 at 5:18 pm
I hate you.
Comment By: Samaire Provost
December 20th, 2015 at 5:18 pm
-_-
Comment By: Matthew Sullivan
December 20th, 2015 at 6:20 pm
The original founding wizard was probaby Irish, Holloran.
Comment By: Ann Cohrs
December 20th, 2015 at 6:20 pm
ow ow ow
Comment By: David R. Palmer
December 20th, 2015 at 11:19 pm
Oooo…
Comment By: Scott Stewart
December 20th, 2015 at 11:19 pm
I’m glad it wasn’t … aloud. .. in the book…..