Elena Gaillard reminds me that at one point about twenty years ago, we took my then-young niece Kate and nephew Zachary to an Off-Broadway performance of Blue Man Group, back before Blue Man Group became the thundering multi-city franchise it is today.

I think Kate was about five.

And the circumstance enabled what may be the most fiendish lie I ever told to a child.

You see, back then — and perhaps still, I don’t know — Blue Man Group ended its shows by having dispensers in the ceiling bury the audience in unspooled toilet paper. The crowds ended up dancing to a hard dance beat, beneath a layer of tons of TP.

To those in the main auditorium, the dispensers were high above their heads and easy to miss, while waiting for the show. Not for us. We sat in the balcony, where the ceiling was within easy reach for a standing adult, very visible for a confused child. The toilet paper was right over our heads, one sheet hanging.

Kate asked me why the auditorium came equipped with toilet paper rolls for every seat.

I said, “Well, think about it. If you’re in a movie theatre and have to get up to use the bathroom, you don’t disturb the actors on screen. But this is a live performance. It’s rude to walk out. So what you’re supposed to do is quietly lift your seat up, and use the toilet bowl that’s hidden beneath the cushion. Nobody will notice what you’re doing. The toilet paper is there for your convenience.”

Kate was disturbed by this. “No. That can’t be true.”

“Oh, it is,” I said, and turned to Elena. “Aren’t we sitting on padded toilet bowls?”

“Oh yes,” Elena said very seriously. “I’ve been to dozens of plays and there’s always toilet bowls where you’re sitting. At any given time, there must be half a dozen people in the audience going to the bathroom. You only know what they’re doing if you see them grabbing the toilet paper.”

I said, “Some people are probably going now.”

Kate was seriously weirded out by this, but kept picking at it logically, until we relented.

Were we bad people?

Tags: Blue Man Group, Theatre, True Stories | Category Life Wisdom, Uncategorized