So among my many war stories of retail hell is the hellish electronics superstore I left after a year, feeling blessed to escape; I did not know that the worst days of my working life were still ahead, a thousand miles to the south.
As it happened, a week after leaving the store I had to buy some inconsequential accessory, of less than ten dollars; a blank videotape, a wire, something. And it was in this situation that I returned to my old store, after only a week, to pick up that item and wait on line to pay for it.
When I got to the register it was a cashier I knew, and as she rang up my payment she asked me how my new job was going, and I said, fine, and asked how she was doing, and she said fine.
Behind her was the glass cubicle in which the managers sat, glowering, for chances to exercise their tyrant skills.
The worst of them was on duty that day, and he stormed out, stuck his finger in his face, and said to me, “I ALWAYS HAVE TO TELL MY PAST EMPLOYEES WHEN THEY COME IN HERE THAT THIS IS NOT A SOCIAL CLUB! YOU DON’T COME IN HERE AND STAND AROUND YAKKING WITH YOUR EX-COWORKERS! YOU PAY FOR YOUR PURCHASE AND GET THE HELL OUT!”
I happened to be standing in front of a long line of customers, waiting to have their own purchases rung up, and to my eternal credit, I turned around to them and said, “Everybody, excuse me for the language you are about to hear.”
Then I turned back to him and stuck my finger in his face.
And said, “Listen. Asshole. I no longer work for you. I no longer have to listen to your idiocy or take your abuse. I no longer have a paycheck riding on kissing your ass. I’m a customer now. You have to kowtow to me. Fuck you and your family.”
A number of the customers behind me applauded.
He stormed back into his office without another word.
That was a good one.
You want another?
Three YEARS later I returned to the store to make a purchase, in my old department.
Three YEARS.
YEARS.
I hadn’t been in the store for THREE YEARS.
So I went to my old department, and asked the salesperson then on duty if he could find me something. He said yes and went off to locate it, leaving me in my old department alone.
I had not been in the store for THREE YEARS.
So I was standing in my old department, humming, and a stock guy not of exceedingly huge intelligence who was still working in the back walked up to me and handed me a clipboard, asking me to sign for a delivery.
All that time, he had failed to notice that I no longer worked there….
Comment By: Adam-Troy Castro
November 8th, 2015 at 12:17 pm
I have discovered that even to discuss this stuff makes my blood pressure rise.
(Incidentally, it just works out that “ASSHOLES” is one of the more prominent words in my webpage’s tag cloud.)
Comment By: Jeremy Grenemyer
November 8th, 2015 at 12:17 pm
Dude…after three years a guy walks up to you like you still worked there!?
If I was a few drinks in at a bar, and something like that had happened to me, and I got to thinking about it, I am pretty sure I’d laugh my ass off in my chair.
Some stuff you just gotta laugh at. That’s damn hilarious.
Comment By: Keith R.A. DeCandido
November 8th, 2015 at 12:34 pm
So did you sign for the delivery? 🙂
Comment By: George
November 8th, 2015 at 12:34 pm
I left one job for another. When the 2nd job didn’t work out, I came back to the first after not quite a year. Most of the people knew me from before and we’re all, “Hey! You’re back! Welcome. Good to see you again.”
But there were a few who did double-takes and said, “Um, I haven’t seen you. Were you gone…?”
And there was one guy, who just looked up from his computer with a sour look on his face, and complained about something as he’d only seen me just the Friday before. (I still bust his chomps about it from time to time.)
Comment By: Trinlay Khadro
November 8th, 2015 at 2:19 pm
Aw man, I think my best “bad boss stories” come from the last place I worked before I got too sick to work….
Comment By: Barb Padgett
November 8th, 2015 at 7:18 pm
I would love to have had the chance for that kind of closure with my Boss from Hell.
Comment By: Stacy Spangler
November 8th, 2015 at 7:19 pm
Ah, vengeance is sweet. 🙂
Comment By: Crusso
November 8th, 2015 at 9:36 pm
Left a retail store for a better job. The first place was hiring so I applied to see if the pay was gonna be better (in retail you basically jump around wherever they offer the best pay until, or if, you find a good one). I went through the normal interview process, got offered and then when I heard the salary I stood up said, “Nah, getting better pay at such and such. Besides, working for you guys sucked.” And left.
Comment By: Emily Devenport
November 8th, 2015 at 11:17 pm
I’m so lucky. I had a boss once who was a bit of a jerk sometimes, but not really an asshole. A few co-workers who were scary, but not the boss. But the Crazy Lady you worked for? If I had worked for that broad, I might have killed her. Seriously.
Comment By: Jonathon Side
November 9th, 2015 at 1:18 am
Nice to see that some of us can get revenge sometimes.
Comment By: Matthew B. Tepper
November 9th, 2015 at 10:17 am
I have had, fortunately, only two bosses of that magnitude of assholery. The first one died a number of years ago, and I have in fact danced on his grave. I’m waiting for the second one, although there’s a possibility he could still screw me over if he’s already arranged to have his remains sent back to Lithuania.
The BEST boss I have ever worked for is the one I’ve now been working for these past eighteen years.